The Long-Awaited Return of the ASU FFL Preseason Drunken Power Rankings (Beginning With #12 and #11)

Leave a comment

September 1, 2023 by stevenheitzman

Nine years ago, in August 2014, the ASU FFL decided to join the fantasy football big leagues and made the momentous decision to convert to full dynasty format by holding the first auction draft in its storied (at the time) five-year history. At that time we also converted to a system where our three divisions (of four teams each) would stand for three years before being reset, and in the ensuing nine years we have redrafted the divisions a tidy 3 times. Blieberg won his division four straight seasons from 2015-2018, and won a record five division titles overall. Only five of the nine league champions during that span won their regular season division, while four champions came all the way from the wild card round to win a title. Three franchises won zero division titles during those nine years (no need to expose anyone – you can probably figure out which teams they were). 

The 2014 auction draft that started it all

What I’m trying to highlight is that a lot has happened in the divisional format over those nine years. If you happened to join us for the draft in Scottsdale this year you would have heard all of these old stories and more rehashed over beers well into the evening after the draft had concluded. But now all that matters is that the divisions as we know them are dead and the ASU FFL is headed for a single mega-conference, essentially the NCAA’s wet dream. Will this minor rule change lead to bolder rule changes in the near future regarding the format of wins and losses? I don’t have the answer to that and neither does anyone else, only time will tell. 

In the meantime, we begin Year 10 of the dynasty era with 12 owners who are fired up and desperately ready to get the 2023 season kicked off after another long, hot summer. By my count, there are three owners ducking for cover and trying to minimize the points that their starting lineups will score this season, all in pursuit of a very good prospect currently playing “amateur” football somewhere in Ohio. The other nine owners, as of this writing, feel like the Tillman Trophy could be theirs if things bounce just right for their team over the next four months or so. 

Sparky, looking like a member of the Kardashian family these days as he’s CLEARLY has had some work done (left: 2021, right: 2023)

In order to put the prediction pen to paper, and in service of one of the longest running ASU FFL traditions we have to offer, we will be releasing the official 2023 Drunken Power Rankings two teams at a time as we approach week 1 of the NFL season. I have no doubt that these articles will be completely and totally biased, under-researched, over-written, utterly lacking in quality jokes, and wildly out of date by the time they’re published. But as I’ve said many times, if you don’t like the content please feel free to create some of your own. 

I am remiss to announce that these power rankings were not created in the original fashion: slips of paper taped to the wall at University Village on draft night, with team placement decided largely by which owners were the most opinionated or could yell the loudest. To no one’s surprise Matt often found his team towards the top of the rankings regardless of the quality of his players. Instead we collected the votes digitally but have no fear, the Drunken Pre-Season Power Rankings live on in spirit. So without further ado, we start off the series with an owner who has rarely found himself in the bottom half of anyone’s power rankings at any point in the past nine years: Brick Squad led by Alec Blieberg.

12. Brick Squad – A. Blieberg

by Steven Heitzman

It is really hard to overstate how good Brick Squad fans have had it during Alec Blieberg’s tenure as owner. Since the ASU FFL dynasty era began back in 2014 (and even though Blieberg joined one year later in 2015 and thus has one less season of counting stats under his belt) he ranks first in league championships and overall winning percentage, and is tied for first in championship appearances, playoff appearances, division titles, and first round playoff byes. It is also really hard to overstate how bad Brick Squad’s roster is looking coming into the 2023 season. Outside of Patrick Mahomes and Trevor Lawrence it is difficult to find a single player on his roster that would crack the week 1 starting lineup for any team within shouting distance of contention. 

Brick Squad’s franchise stats, 2014-2022 (dynasty era)

For years fans have been begging for a rebuild and in July 2023 the crowd finally became too loud to ignore. Blieberg acquiesced and made two long-overdue trades, shipping off ex-faces of the franchise like Cooper Kupp and Alvin Kamara for a modest haul of draft picks. Some analysts have wondered why those trades weren’t made years ago, or why the mini-firesale stopped there, or why guys like Brandin Cooks and Adam Thielen (or any number of RBs) are still on the roster today. One major counterpoint to those arguments: Alec Blieberg has never given a single fuck about what the analysts think. 

Cooks has been with the Brick Squad franchise since 11/12/2014

Without a doubt, 2022 represented a massive disappointment for the Brick Squad franchise as they missed the playoffs for the first time in their eight-year history, snapping a league record seven-year playoff streak. And based on the quality of his roster you’d have a hell of a time outlining a believable scenario to me where he finished anywhere besides the league cellar. But based on the last eight years, you’d be a fool to think that Blieberg doesn’t have some tricks up his sleeve as he looks to rebuild his empire faster than anyone else thinks is possible. 

Notable Additions

Zach Charbonnet, RB, SEA (rookie)

Kendre Miller, RB, NO (rookie)

Sam LaPorta, TE, DET (rookie)

Notable Departures

Cooper Kupp, WR, LAR

Alvin Kamara, RB, NO

Darnell Mooney, WR, CHI

Notable Stat

19.5

(Points scored difference between Bly’s 2018 all-time single season record scoring average of 135.5ppg and the second best season of all-time: Chad’s 2013 average of 116.0ppg)

Even with some of the mega-teams being built over the past few years it’s highly doubtful that we’ll ever see a team top Chad’s 116.0ppg. Since the 2019 season when we first got rid of Team D/ST and Kickers, there have only been six teams who have exceeded 100ppg with the best of the bunch being 2020 Chad’s 106.9ppg. With that being said, forget about anyone even considering topping Bly’s 135.5ppg from 2018 – it’s as untouchable as Gretzky’s career points, Rice’s career receiving yards, or the Celtics’ consecutive NBA titles.

11. Fantasy Darwinism – M. Gori

by Steven Heitzman

If you gave a forensic examiner access to the 2022 ASU FFL end-of-season rosters plus a piece of paper with only the names of Fantasy Darwinism’s current roster written on it, then asked him to identify which owner this roster belonged to, you have to figure that Ja’Marr Chase would be the equivalent of the dental records he would be forced to use to identify the otherwise charred and mangled corpse that laid before him. It’s not hyperbole to say that Matt’s 2023 offseason roster liquidation is rivaled only by Tom’s 2020 franchise facelift at the top of the list of greatest firesales in ASU FFL league history.

Fantasy Darwinism’s franchise stats, 2014-2022 (dynasty era)

As shocking as it was sudden, Matt woke up in early May and saw something in the tea leaves for Fantasy Darwinism that no one else saw coming. He made short work of dicing up a roster that had made four straight playoff appearances and three straight semi finals appearances. It was also reasonably expected to enter 2023 as one of the top three odds-on favorites to win a title with a window that didn’t seem to be slamming shut anytime soon. Just look at the roster he would have walked into 2023 with (not counting any potential trades or future draft picks):

• QB: Lamar Jackson, BAL
• RB: Saquon Barkley, NYG
• RB: Dalvin Cook, NYJ
• WR: Ja’Marr Chase, CIN
• WR: Amari Cooper, CLE
• WR: Keenan Allen, LAC
• TE: Travis Kelce, KC
• FLEX: Mark Andrews, BAL
• Bench: Gabe Davis, WR, BUF
• Bench: Jamaal Williams, RB, NO 
• Bench: Alexander Mattison, RB, MIN

The wildest part is that with the exception of Ja’Marr Chase, these guys have ALL BEEN TRADED from Matt’s roster this summer, every one of them. He has wasted no time in rebuilding his receiver room, trading for handpicked guys like Christian Watson and Jameson Williams then drafting rookies Zay Flowers, Jonathan Mingo, Rashee Rice, and Michael Wilson. But while things may be going according to the plan outlined for Fantasy Darwinism back in May, I do think it is fair to ask how many years of Chase’s early prime Matt is willing to potentially waste while he eagerly awaits the 2024 draft, and then continues to wait for those young players he drafts to mature into viable fantasy assets. On top of that, his 2024 pick haul was solid (even after several trades up he has three first round picks, three seconds, and four thirds) but I wonder how successful it will be considered if Blieberg or Nate ultimately ends up winning the race to the bottom for the 2024 1.01 pick? Matt has essentially zero RB assets outside of some rookie fliers, and both the QB and TE positions are only slightly better, which seems like a lot of his team that he has left to rebuild. And if he’s three years into the project without really making a run at a title, won’t he just be looking to trade some picks for guys like… Saquon Barkley, Lamar Jackson, and Mark Andrews?

Fantasy Darwinism is their franchise now

At this point in the article I’d like to reset, as I feel pretty dirty for what’s already been written and I’m sure perennial “this team just needs one or two things to go right” owners like Jared, Alex, and Garett are sick to their stomachs as well. So let’s step back and take a look at Matt’s record since 2014: after a five-year stretch to open the dynasty era where Fantasy Darwinism failed to win more than five games in any season and was also the only team who held the distinction of zero playoff appearances in that time frame, Matt started to figure it out in 2019.

He led the Fightin’ Darwins to four straight winning seasons, capped off by that glorious three-year stretch from 2020-22 where he finished no worse than fourth place in any given season. In 2020 he lost to Chad in the championship matchup by 2.0 points (I genuinely did not remember it being that close) and then in 2021 he needed 3.7 points from Melvin Gordon in the last game of the semi final matchup to beat Lois’ Revenge and advance to the championship round for the second consecutive year. If you’re a fan of Fantasy Darwinism or care deeply about Matt, don’t go look up how many points Melvin had in Week 16. And definitely don’t go look up how many points Fantasy Darwinism scored in the Week 17 consolation matchup that year. 

7 for -4, 1 for 4, 0 TDs, 0.0 fantasy points

All of this to say: Matt’s track record over the last few years tells us that he’s likely a much better fantasy football owner now than he was five years ago and certainly than he was 10 years ago. There is no doubt he has both the ammo and the drive to return FD to contention sooner than later. With the meteoric rise of The Process looming over the league (and with owners like Alex and Marcus building strong contenders simultaneously) it may even make sense for Matt to push out the start of his contention window a year or two. And with what amounts to a three-way race for the 2024 1.01 pick there is even a very obvious (and attainable) fast lane he can use to truncate the rebuild. But it will be hard to avoid playing the “what if?” game and tracking how this team might have performed in 2023 had Matt decided to hold ‘em instead of fold ‘em.

Notable Additions

Christian Watson, WR, GB

Jameson Williams, WR, DET

Zay Flowers, WR, BAL (rookie)

Notable Departures

(Where to begin?) 

Lamar Jackson, QB, BAL

Saquon Barkley, RB, NYG

Mark Andrews, TE, BAL

Notable Stat

13

(Number of years Matt went without double-digit regular season wins, until his 10-4 mark in 2022 snapped the streak)

With seven ASU FFL top-four overall finishes and sitting at fourth in total points scored by a franchise all time, Fantasy Darwinism has a pretty good case to make for “the best team to never win one”. All of those points scored have struggled at times to translate into regular season wins, however, and going into the 2022 season Matt had never hit the double digit mark. His 10-4 record last year broke the streak, won him the Bonds Division, earned him the 3-seed, and left only three owners (Jared, Alex, and Garett) without a double-digit win regular season on their resumes.